![]() This beautiful Victorian mansion and/or boarding school (we haven’t figured it out entirely) is designed to keep you safe from your biggest enemy: yourself! This is a WIFI-free, bullying-free zone where counselors will talk you out of doing conversion therapy on yourself (again) and into a new life of self-acceptance. Additionally, 40% of this neighborhood is storage space so there are plenty of spots to chastely make out. Have you never spoken about your sexuality publicly, and yet your coworker makes your heart race every time her capable hands run across the console of some kind of military-industrial-complex hover thingy? This is the place for you! This floor contains simulations of 3 common workplaces of closeted characters (Government Agency, Doctor’s Office, Magical Society) where you can spend as much time as you need until you’re ready to move on to greener pastures. Our plush living quarters are divided into neighborhoods, as follows: Our deluxe cruise liner is equipped with state-of-the-art amenities including two gyms, a volleyball court, five swimming pools, two event halls, an underground nightclub, and a secret bathhouse. Note: Please do not refer to your roommate as your ‘gay sidekick.’ This is a sensitive subject for many on board. For those arriving alone, we offer a room share program, where we will assign you a roommate, so you know at least one other homosexual. The first few days aboard the Pathos are disorienting for many of our travelers, as they’re often token gay characters meeting other queer people for the first time. Our cruises boast the afterlife’s most diverse passengers, welcoming queer characters from all walks of life! From beloved daytime soap regulars who came out just before their actor’s contract expired to trans POC who had to be written off so that a white guy could sing a song without being overshadowed - there is a community here waiting for you! So I’m trying to make the best of it.We are pleased to welcome you to the Celebrity Pathos, the number one cruise liner for recently deceased queer television characters! Prepare to be dazzled by the seas’ best in community, inclusivity, and fun! Like millions of dead gays before you, we feel confident you’ll enjoy your time aboard ship, and yes, we mean that in both the literal and the fanfiction sense. “Obviously I don’t agree with 95 percent of what’s been happening around me,” she says, “but they do have a fantastic hair salon, and some really nice shoe shops. But in an exclusive interview from the ship’s satellite phone the Christian firebrand explains that the experience is not all bad. Michele for her part is having difficulty adjusting to not being the center of attention. “I just want to pour truffle oil on top and eat him up!” “I think he's absolutely delicious,” says Albert Goldman, a sous chef from Palm Beach, Fla. A source on board the vessel says Marcus has attracted the attention of the passengers and was even voted “cutest bear” on the ship’s traditional Bear vs. The duo’s anti-gay positions don’t seem to be causing any animosity aboard the Rainbow Warrior, however. House of Representatives, and Marcus operates a counseling center which advocates "pray the gay away" reparative therapy. ![]() Michele has vociferously opposed same-sex marriage from her perch in the U.S. The unexpected detour for the Bachmanns during Congress’ recess is especially ironic given their stated opposition to the “homosexual lifestyle.” I am very sorry for the inconvenience this misunderstanding has caused and we have offered to fully refund the cost of the Bachmanns’ trip.” Marcus the Bear "In retrospect it was unprofessional of me to assume his sexual orientation. So I booked them on one of our finest all-gay cruises in the Caribbean. Bachmann was gay and that ’ Michel’ was a man who pronounced his name in the French way. ![]() “He said he wanted to book a cruise for himself and his partner ‘Michele’. ![]() Bachmann came into our office three weeks ago,” Jennings says. Phillip Jennings, a partner at North Star Travel agency in Minnesota, is deeply apologetic over the incident and explains how the mishap occurred. The pair are currently holed up in their suite waiting to disembark and return to Miami by air. The six day jaunt on the all-gay Atlantis Cruise Lines was mistakenly booked after Marcus Bachmann visited a Minneapolis travel agent who assumed he was gay.Īlthough the couple has reportedly requested to leave the ship, it won’t reach its next port in The Bahamas for another three days. Congresswoman Michelle Bachmann and her husband, Marcus, accidentally set sail on a gay cruise today following a misunderstanding with a travel agency. ![]()
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